a ray of sunshine in the storm of my life.

since my last post was just me venting, I decided to write about the one positive that has happened to me this month.. so lets start from the beginning:
     A few years ago, I was in a unpleasant situation where my only means of internet were to go on my phone and use sites like prodigits and mocospace. Through sites like that I met some really influential people in my life, who would have thought right? nowadays ive gone back to em and its just not the same anymore, that aside, I met a guy who was from texas, we talked for a really long while and eventually we became close friends, we would talk for hours on the phone.. this went on for sometime and then we lost contact, which made me so sad because I loved talking to him, we had everything in common.. I don't remember all of what happened, but I am pretty sure we talked a few times when I first moved to brooklyn and then there was another pause where we didnt talk., I never forgot him though.. how can you forget someone who even after pauses of not talking it feels like you never left eachothers side.. figuratively speaking.. we never met but it felt like we just knew eachother.. talking to him just felt so natural, we didn't have to force small talk, we just talked, and talked and talked for hours every time.


so present day,  him and I got back in contact for a few months now, and I found myself realizing I had feelings for him. I felt insane, I had a very strict policy on long distance relationships.. anytime ive ever had feelings for someone who wasn't near me i always got hurt.. if the ones near me can hurt me imagine the ones who aren't? I had many theories on why it wouldn't work.. so I was pretty much hellbent against it.. which is why I could have never predicted what happened next.


Throughout our recent texts and convos things seemed too clear that we both felt the same way.. but I didn't want to risk rejection again.. especially with all the pain ive been through lately and in my life in general.. but a few weeks ago he put everything on the line and told me he loved me and had feelings for me.. I told him the same..  2 weeks later.. he asked me to be his girlfriend.. but at first he was hesitant which I can understand, we all have fears, especially with matters of the heart.. So now I am planning to go see him, I just have to figure things out.. hopefully everything works out in my favor so I can go see him.. I really want to.. Its all i've been thinking about.. I haven't felt like this in years..  6 years to be exact.. 


So here I am, in a long distance relationship, happy as hell that i have him.. I am sure things wont be easy but when we finally get to spend time together.. it will all be worth it.. I can't wait till that day.. we're in this together, for the long term I hope.. 


In my life.. things aren't perfect.. they never are but I am trying my best to face the challenges in front of me.. if the end result is all the things I want including a trip to texas I Will be happier then I could ever be... I will keep everyone up to date on what happens, with me and my ray of sunshine. 
xoxo 
Carolyn.