whirlwind of uncertainty, The Voiceless in New York City.

Here we are, the last few days of July approaching August and I feel like I have been in a losing battle since December. I know I usually Don't go into great detail into what is going on because quite frankly it isn't something you want to make public, but I can tell you, for those who know, My journey has not been an easy one.. I am going through a very transitional period in life and I guess you can say I am now a "drifter" just not in the broad sense.. more so within the 5 boroughs and Long island.

 New York City, one of the most beautiful cities in the world, I have had the pleasure of seeing its beauty from many angles, Through many pictures, experiences, stories, I try to convey it to others who have never been here.. But this City has more to it then its luxury and appearance. Outside of the most wonderful spots, touristy, or those spots every New Yorker feels is a must see place for those wanting to experience the "real" NYC. There are people here who can barely afford it, they rent rooms, barely eat to pay their rent, All to live in this wonderful city. And then there are those who have no home and endure the horrific shelter system in this ctty... At that point what do you chose?  use your earnings to live in concrete, wooden or brick box, or do you give up and find somewhere more suitable to your needs? 

Sadly, Most people chose to tough it out and live here, because either it's all they have known.. or they think this is the place to be.. we all have a fear of the unknown, new places can prove to be scary, then there's the fear of leaving everyone you know behind.. no easy choice at all, yet we never hear about these people who are struggling to get by, because we all want to present some sort of an image that we have it together.. outside of NYC's nightlife.. there is a life that some lead.. one that I wish upon no one.. that is the one we never really hear about.. sure you can hear things on the news.. but that barely qualifies as even remotely knowing what it is like.

A few weeks Ago I remember walking with one of my best friends around battery park and just reminiscing on growing up here as a kid, I was always amazed at how tall all the buildings were.. I always wondered about the people who lived and worked inside them.. I always imagined I would be one of those people in manhattan with a suit buying coffee from a cart.. Even back then I guess I dreamed big.. believe it or not I thought I would be a lawyer at one point because I loved to argue and I was pretty good at it too.. like most people I never did get to pursue it.. and since then my idea of what I wanted to be changed several times.

At this point in time I am feeling very bitter towards this city, it has given me nothing but grief these last few months and I am quite tired of it which is why I am considering taking a vacation very soon. The details are still sketchy, but I am pretty sure its going to happen.. I just need to get away from here for a while to a place where I can just relax and not think about anything.. Thanks to my friends and my Dear Mother I have been able to pull through without losing my sanity.. I will be Eternally grateful to them for all that they have done for me throughout this point in my life.. I don't know where I am going from here but, I do know one thing and that is that it can always get worse.. most people will say it can't but in reality it can..  I quoted murphy's law at one twitter.. "if it can go wrong it will" hasn't that been the story of my life? 

Before I leave for Vacation.. if it for a fact becomes concrete then I will write an entry before leaving.. I just hope things get better soon.. 

XoXo 

Carolyn