Xmas memories.. so I lied.. it wasnt the last one..

Okay.. So I know I said my last blog was the final one for 2010.. but when I am inspired to write I can't help it..


My sister called me today... which was a surprise in and of itself..but we talked about christmas when we were kids... I would wake up around 4 am with my sister, I looked over to see if santa had ate his cookies, then i would run to the tree.. my poor mom, hungover from the christmas party had to wake up and see me open presents..  after they were all open she would of course go back to bed.. but there was much assembling to be done beforehand.. 


One of my fave xmas memories was one where my dad stayed over the entire christmas holiday, I was about 5 and I remember this like it was yesterday, I remember getting my first dollhouse and I remember my mom and dad putting it together.. one of the few holidays we were together as a family.. It was always myself, my sister and my aunt along with any other relatives who would stop by..


Not only did the magic of christmas fade since I have become an adult.. The lack of having much family around has also bothered me.. as well as not being able to go see someone close to my heart whom I love very much.. on christmas eve I beat myself over things I couldn't help.. but maybe that was my way of dealing with it.. so.. the holiday has not been good for me.. but onwards from here I suppose.. this holiday season finds me in a difficult position.. I am going through things I wouldn't wish upon my greatest enemy... but my hope for next year is I will be with someone whom means everything to me.. having the one I wished for this year but didn't happen for me.. I can not express how much I want this to be over.. I hope all of you have had a better holiday then I had.. 


XoXo
Carolyn